Friday, October 28, 2005

Friday 10

We miss you, George.

1. Bowery Electric - Freedom Fighter. I felt they really started hitting their stride with this album. It's a shame that they've done nothing since. This song is TUFF.

2. 808 State - Pacific 202. There are something like 4,196 versions of this song. I love them all. I will never forgive that ex-girlfriend for passing out at the DV8 so many years ago, robbing me of my chance to see Bjork sing with them.

3. The Beatles - Martha My Dear. For some reason, I've been listening to "The Beatles" (White Album) a lot recently; probably the diversity. This record side is my fave. If I'm not mistaken, Paul wrote this about his dog. Take a good look around you...

4. October Country - My Girlfriend Is A Witch. What a weird song. From the late 60s, I know nothing about this band or song but I have the distinct feeling they didn't do very much.

5. Hurricane Smith - Don't Let It Die. This guy has the WEIRDEST voice, and for some reason it makes me like the song even more. He apparently produced Pink Floyd and others, but you should really seek out some of his utterly charming material.

6. Frazier Chorus - Forgetful. This is off of the "Sue" album and is one of the most literate "Fuck You"'s that I've EVER heard. Check this: "I just saw your friend and he asked me when your birthday was...and I told him lies. He seemed so happy when he walked away, and I smiled for you and your big surprise." Uh huh, that sound you hear is the chorus of 1,000 voices saying "DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!"

7. Neil Diamond - Sit Back and Relax (Coke advert). Neil Diamond is so fucking cool, even his jingles for Coke rock. Total Monkees-era Diamond, so it's bouncy pop goodness to the max. I want to be Neil Diamond when I grow up.

8. Morrissey - The Last of the Famous International Playboys. Say what you want, but I love Moz and this is one of his strongest. Even Johnny Marr broke his post-Smiths silence with Morrissey to send him a congratulatory postcard when this song came out. I want a shirt that says this.

9. Air - Cherry Blossom Girl. I'm SO GLAD this album is better than that last sucky one. I was afraid they were a one trick pony, but they've returned to fine form. Love the acoustic guitar with the electronics. (PSST - the first album is still the best...)

10. Pizzicato 5 - Snowflakes. We end with a mellow one. Not an intensely great song - definitely not their best - but a nice, wistful pop song nonetheless. She only sings one word, too, which is very cool in my book (guess which one!).

Have a great weekend, pumpkinheads!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Could You Say That One More Time, Please?

So - just what happened with Harriet Miers' nomination?

"In effect, she was denied due process by members of her own party," said Sen. John Warner, R-VA.

Remember that - a Republican told the truth. Hasn't happened since...what, Eisenhower?

P.S. Is there anything in the world less necessary than a 138-picture slideshow of Harriet Miers on Yahoo?

Please Just Fucking Give Up, Already

You sucked then, you suck now. Only Hootie sucks harder. Die.


Random Things I Like

With Harriet gone for good, I felt like expanding on the warm, fuzzy feeling currently surging through my being (save my loins - Harriet and I aren't like that). Here are some things that make me happy:

1. Lemonade. And you know what? Paul Newman makes some BAD ASS lemonade.

2. Fabric Softener. Not dryer sheets, the liquid of love. "Liquid of love?!" you say? Think about it: yer clothes smell that good cos someone waited til in between cycles and, at just the right time, put in the elixir of the cotton gods to make sure your clothes were as soft and fresh-smelling as possible. See? The liquid of love.

3. The Millenium - "Begin" LP. I only found this album from 1968 a year or 2 ago as a download, but the affect it's had on me is HUGE and has introduced me to at least 5 other great bands.

4. Vegetarian Chicken & Dumplings Soup. My own recipe, I am soooooooo fucking stoked that the cold weather is here: house pants, big sweatshirts, grey days spent on the couch eating soup and watching old movies.

5. Jameson's Irish Whiskey. Must...stop...drooling...

6. Audrey Hepburn. Even the mere mention of her name gets me giddy as a schoolgirl on prom night. Not the start of my short hair fetish - that would be Dorothy Hamill - but certainly the one that cemented it. Watch "Roman Holiday" and try not to fall in love. It's impossible.

7. Cats. It's kind of lame, but if I spend more than 2 days away from home I start getting very antsy and pissy and need to get home to see the cats. I love my cats more than I love myself, and I fucking LOVE myself. I'm such a catch. Really.

8. Reese's Sticks. Sorry Kit Kat - we've had some great times, but the, the Sticks just SPEAK to me. We'll always have the childhood Halloweens...

9. Badges From Bands. Seriously, I will probably be 60 with an Aztec Camera badge on my jacket.

10. CA Prop 215. 'Nuff said.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Because I Can...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Monday Afternoon Music

Ride - Waves
(FANTASTIC shoegaze session tracks)

Kay Bailey Hutchison's Pants Are On Fire

So Kay Bailey Hutchison, a Texas Senator, is suppressing her gag reflex right along with John Tierney, in a New York Times article out today. She was quoted as saying:

"that if there is going to be an indictment that says something happened, that it is an indictment on a crime and not some perjury technicality where they couldn't indict on the crime and so they go to something just to show that their two years of investigation was not a waste of time and taxpayer dollars." (emphasis added)

But over at the Huffington Post, Alec Baldwin (so THAT'S what he's been doing!) mentions this gem from our old gal Kay way back on February 17th, 1999:

"I do not hold the view of our Constitution that there must be an actual, indictable crime in order for an act of a public officer to be impeachable. It is clear to this Senator that there are, indeed, circumstances, short of a felony criminal offense, that would justify the removal of a public officer from office, including the President of the United States. Manifest injury to the Office of the President, to our Nation and to the American people and gross abuse of trust and of public office clearly can reach the level of intensity that would justify the impeachment and removal of a leader." (emphasis added)

I would agree that this kind of mind-numbing flip-floppery is the usual modus operandi for Repugs (Rush Limbaugh, drug addict, anyone?) and almost ceases to amaze anymore. What does kill me, though, is the fact that these ancient fucks have STILL not realised the power of Google searches, or the fact that us "pot smoking, terrorist-loving liberals" have a pretty decent memory after all. You may have forgotten about that time your neighbor caught you pissing in his yard, but rest assured he hasn't...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Who Likes Wedding Presents?

Hazy likes wedding presents!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Friday 10

This weekend I'm DJing a 70s/80s party for a youth group (quit yer fucking snickering). In honor of the time period in question, I am listing 10 of my fave tunes that I will be spinning:

1. SOS Band - Take Your Time (Do It Right)
I distinctly remember taping this song off of KFRC back in the day. Truly fantastic to dance to and all about doin' the nasty...and I like doin' the nasty.

2. Ohio Players - Skintight
They had the album covers your parents didn't want you asking questions about. A true highlight in my life is when my band at the time opened for them at the long-closed Omni in Oakland. Those dudes got DOWN.

3. New Order - Blue Monday
For years the biggest selling 12" single ever (not sure if it still is - could be), this is just pure, unadulterated dancefloor goodness, with one of the most recognisable intros ever. Taste the 80s.

4. Mary Jane Girls - In My House
You just KNEW that only 1 or 2 of these girls could actually sing, but it didn't matter at all cos they were Rick James' girls. On top of it, this song was SO bomb - great harmonies and killer funk keys. This, I believe, was played at every family party.

5. The Time - Jungle Love
Morris Day, Jerome, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis, Jesse Johnson, Jellybean Benitez...FUCK. What a lineup. They brought the funk, psychedelia, pop, and soul, all rolled into one. The first thing I ever won was a copy of "Ice Cream Castles" off of KMEL.

6. Led Zeppelin - Dancing Days
One for the white kids! Seriously though, when you're drunk and playing a bunch of dance tunes, this one sounds astonishingly good in the mix. About as groovy as the Zep got.

7. The Bee Gees - Night Fever
I've always dug the subdued sound of this song. A great string arrangement makes it happen. Sure they sound like muppets, but I always liked the muppets. The rhythm is in the pocket - a total avenue walker.

8. Thelma Houston - Don't Leave Me This Way
Oh SHIT. This bitch just SLAYS this song. The Communards did a respectable version in the 80s, but this is the all-time, can't-fuck-with-it original classic - I don't care that Harold Melvin did it first, cos he didn't do it anywhere near as good. I would buy this woman dinner in a heartbeat. I wouldn't even ask her if she was hungry.

9. The Gap Band - Burn Rubber
This song was so freakin' cool when I was a kid. Indeed, the whole concept of burning rubber was. Therefore The Gap Band was cool. As a Mexican, there was no avoiding The Gap Band - EVERYONE listened to them. The only thing that I can talk shit about is the fact that EVERY SINGLE ONE of their songs have the same drum fill! Plak-doom-plak-doom-plak-doom-plak!

10. Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go? - Soft Cell
My first favorite band that wasn't my parents' music. There isn't a soul with ears that hasn't heard this song. The original by Gloria Jones is fantastic too. I still remember the first time I heard it like it was yesterday; probably the song that had the biggest effect on my life. There is a place in heaven reserved for Marc Almond and Dave Ball.

Have a great weekend, bitches!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Squirrels On Crack?!?!


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Bubblegum Machine

This, my friends, is a fantastic site. The link goes to Week 1 (they're currently on Week 108), which, being the beginning, is a very fine place to start (thanks Barry Manilow!). 2 downloads per week of obscure shit you probably haven't heard but makes you look so cool when you put them on a compilation cd - all done with a good dose of humor (sorry, HUMOUR - he's British).

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hazy Says "Fuck Work - Go Home!"

So I will. Goodnight, all!!

John Tierney Is An Asswipe

So John Tierney sees the detritus of the end of the Bush administration falling about his feet. It MUST be - how else could you explain writing an article (at Times Select) that makes Richard Cohen look like Cindy Sheehan? He obviously sees the ship sinking and wants to go down with it, thereby cementing, in his mind, his membership in the club.

And what a club! Pretty soon a membership requirement will be a booking photo.

One paragraph in particular caught my eye:

So now the original justifications for the investigation have vanished, which is why I think of this as the Nadagate scandal. But the prosecutor has kept at it for two years. Besides switching to the vague law against disclosing classified information, he might indict Libby or Rove for perjury or obstruction of justice -- crimes that occurred only because of the investigation.
WOW - "crimes that occurred only because of the investigation." Think about that: this douchebag honestly expects us to believe that any charge Fitzpatrick may level against Libby or Rove (or, as the rumors insist, Cheney) was created by Fitzpatrick himself. Not their own actions or lies, it's Fitzpatrick's fault. The investigation created the situation, not the individuals...which is like saying that it was the bridge's fault that some guy jumped off of it to kill himself because if the bridge hadn't been there in the first place, well, that dude would still be with us.
Fuck me running.
The next 2 weeks will give us the rats, so in the meantime enjoy the sinking.


With so much shit hitting the Republican fan, the Downing Street Memo has kind of fallen to the wayside. Well, here comes another one.

The big question here is: how much push will this memo have? The first leaked docs outlined what many "terrorist-loving liberals" had been saying all along - that the war was planned and the administration was fixing its story and facts accordingly. Not that long after the Times reported it, DeLay took center stage and the story lost its luster (which is probably 100% attributable to the American attention span).

This one, however, carries much more heft. Whereas the first memo confirmed largely what many people had been reporting regarding Irag unto itself, this memo substantiates a much larger conspiracy (for lack of a better word). By drawing North Korea, Pakistan, Iran and Saudi Arabia into the fishing net, it provides concrete evidence (if proven not to be a false document) of the Bush administration's hell-bent desire to establish the United States of Arabia, complete with McDonald's and oil pipeline money going straight into American bank accounts. What is interesting to note is the fact that Pakistan and the Saudis have been working with us in this war, and can be counted as allies, yet while their assistance and support would be crucially necessary going forward, they were already short-listed to be taken care of.

Looks like we need to go on another p.r. offensive...or just stop BEING offensive.

Almost Like Christmas

I don't know about you, but I truly hope Bush sticks to his usual pattern of being stubborn and refusing to acknowledge defeat with this Miers nomination. Seeing his minions eating each other alive, hatching plans, raising funds, creating talking points - all to destroy this woman - is just too wonderful to bear. A true example of how deep the loyalty they tout truly goes.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Monday Morning Album

Doves - The Last Broadcast

Friday, October 14, 2005


Now SERIOUSLY - what the freakin' frick-frack FUCK is THIS all about?

Next it will be "The Nazi Family Hour" on ABC.

Friday's 10

My computer randomly spits out tunes - I enthrall you with the results.

NOTE: it should be mentioned I have had my head firmly up the ass of the 60s lately.

1. Depeche Mode - Macro
Someone sent me the new DM album and, as I've always enjoyed them, was very interested in how it sounded. Well, it's like bad demos from "Exciter" that were rejected...and those are the good songs. This song is fucking horrific, mainly lyrically. To be fair, there is the niggling fact that I am 100% sober right now. 2/10

2. The Smiths - What's the World (James cover)
I like James quite a bit, but this live cover of one of their songs is completely bettered by The Smiths. Recorded on the Meat is Murder tour, when James was the support band. 8/10

3. Neil Diamond - A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You
Written for and a hit by The Monkees, this is a lesser-known version. I like this one better cos of the vocal delivery. Neil Diamond is a freakin' PIMP. 8/10

4. Earth, Wind & Fire - Got To Get You Into My Life
There are only a couple of Beatles covers that are better than the original: Stevie Wonder's "We Can Work It Out" being the best, this being a close second. Missing that phone call years ago that would have led to me being backstage at an E,W, & F show is still the bane of my existence. 9/10

5. INXS - What You Need
I used to love this song in junior high, so I ripped it from the greatest hits cd for a trip down nostalgia lane. It didn't age very well, though that sax build in the bridge parts is still cool. There are much better songs by them than this. 3/10

6. Average White Band - Pick Up The Pieces
I don't care who you are, how old you are, or where you came from - if this don't make you shake what yo mama gave you, then you are either deaf, dead, or Republican. This song always makes me want to hear Bobby Caldwell's "What You Won't Do For Love" or Boz Scaggs' "Lowdown". 10/10

7. Clarence Carter - Strokin'
The perpetual teenager in me will always laugh, and the adult in me will always bow in reverence at the ability to get away with lines like "You know what she told me? / This is what she told me / She said "Stroke it, Clarence Carter / But please don't stroke so fast / If my stuff ain't tight enough / You can stick it up my..." WOOOO! / I be STROKIN'!!!!" Genius. 7/10

8. The Beatles - Piggies
I love The Beatles. LOVE 'em. I hate this song. 1/10

9. Cranebuilders - Just Idleness
A Liverpool band, Cranebuilders don't sound overtly like any particular band, which is probably why this song sticks with me so much. Not groundbreaking, just an excellent pop song. The vocal delivery on the lines "And there's nothing you can do / To make it alright / No, there's nothing you can say / To make it alright" is nothing short of sublime. 8/10

10. Oasis - Lyla
God DAMN! Where's mah whiskey?! This makes me wanna get drunk, smoke, put my arms around my mates' shoulders and sing along at full volume. I'm very glad to see them getting back in such fine form. The video for "The Importance of Being Idle" is quite brilliant as well. And I will state for the record that Liam Gallagher (no matter your feelings for him) is the best rock singer around in years. 8.5/10

Now where's the flask - it's 5p somewhere....

UPDATE: Other Friday 10s:
Gavin discusses his fingernail filing habits here.
teh l4m3 gets Morningwood here.
Norbizness dodges the T'Pau bullet here.
Fulsome avoids Kent, thereby pissing me off, here.

When I See Things Like This...

…it really makes me sad for these people.

Then I think: you were the sanctimonious pricks who voted for these assholes; you were the jarheads who immediately put flags in your trucks (including the Confederate flag) and threatened and beat up Muslims in your communities, all under the guise of patriotism; you were the ones declared that Kerry was a traitor and didn’t deserve to live in America; you were the ones who said that anyone who didn’t support our president was “un-American”, an Islamofascist, supported terrorists, and may as well have piloted one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center. And let’s not forget the bashing of Cindy Sheehan, a mother rightly pissed off because her son died in this same war of lies.

Granted, not every single one of them is like this – but they certainly have let the Republicans prop them up as such, and haven’t said word one against it. In fact, they’ve reveled in its spotlight. Anyone who breaks ranks with that prevailing popular thinking is usually sunk with demotions and accusations of sexual harassment.

So you got what you asked for…and it’s what we’ve been telling you all along.

I feel so sorry for the families who just truly believed all these lies and now are the ones paying the biggest price.

I Done Got Hitched

Me & the new family. Note the flask.
UPDATE: Pinko sends us off into the sunset with a Song of the Day.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


This literally has me in tears.

Read this from John at AmericaBlog, posted earlier today:

I just got a really touching email from the father of a Georgetown Law student, Jan Stransky, who was murdered in 1987 (I went to Gtown law with him - I knew him, but not well).The family is holding a ceremony at the Princeton University Museum to honor Jan and to formally receive a Toulouse Lautrec lithograph which was left to the Princeton Museum by Jan's maternal grandmother, Jane Koven when she died earlier this year.They're trying to locate Linda Reily (her maiden name, no idea if she's married now), a good friend and classmate of Jan's, to invite her to the event. I just figured I'd use the blog to get the word out if by chance anyone knows any Lindas who went to Gtown law in the late 1980s. If you do, see if this is the same Linda, and if it is, have her email me.Thanks guys, JOHN

I saw this at work, thought nothing of it other than it was a nice gesture, promptly went home and got drunk. Per usual. Then, right as my kitty Hazy fell asleep in my lap and I was ready to retire, I read this next post:

I had posted earlier today about being contacted by the father of a Georgetown Law student murdered in 1987. The father was planning a memorial for his son at Princeton (they're dedicating a Lautrec piece to the school in his name) and he was trying to find a young woman who was friends with his son, so he could invite her to the memorial. Thanks to one of you, we found her - I just spoke with her on the phone, and she was very touched. She told me that they weren't just friends, they were dating for about a year when he was killed. All the more reason I'm glad we were able to put her in touch with the father. You guys came through, thank you. JOHN

Anything I could say would be lame. I love AmericaBlog.

Talk Dirty To Me, Girl...

Isabella killing me softly with her song...

I MUST Cancel My Cable...

So, I've come to the sobering realisation that I am paying almost $50 a month for cable to watch 2 stations. TWO FUCKING STATIONS. Those would be Court TV and A&E, and I only watch them at night for those forensic shows (though, it must be said, I really can't stand the psychic ones). Our station selection is shite - we don't get Turner Classic Movies (the only reason I ever subscribed to cable in the first place), we don't get BBC, and it's not digital so some stations look like someone should be doing ballerina poses while adjusting the rabbit ears.

So I pay the equivalent of 2 bottles of Jameson's a month to watch shows about people who met violent deaths. Jesus, that just ain't right.

UPDATE: I feel it should be noted that A&E does show some good dead people shows, but they also show a 1.5 hour movie with 1.5 hours of commercials. So fuck them. Anyone who remembers what A&E used to be like extends a middle finger right along with me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

10 For The Drunks

Seemingly being the only person in California who doesn't own an iPod, I have put H.A.L. 9000 (my computer) in Apple drag and am randomly playing my hard drive - here's the random 10 for the drunks like me unable to choose what to listen to.

1. Frazier Chorus - Sloppy Heart ("Sue" LP version)
They're just wonderful, they are. Incredibly English - their debut LP "Sue", from which this is taken (though not as good as the 4ad EP version), is almost a trip across the countryside. There is nothing in their discography that isn't utterly fantastic. Best lyrics around, coming after The Smiths broke up. The follow-up album "Ray" is almost as good - some songs lack, but some completely surpass.

2. Lee Hazelwood - Little Miss Sunshine (Little Miss Rain)
Not my fave off of this album (that would have to be "If It's Monday Morning"), but an enjoyable pop song nonetheless, and one that fits perfectly in the framework of the album "Requiem for an Almost Lady" as a whole. Perfect example of simplicity giving the song room to breathe and just be.

3. Duran Duran - Girls on Film
This was the band I could present to my parents, while burying "weirdos" like Robert Smith, Soft Cell, and Depeche Mode in my collection. EVERYONE I knew liked or admired them; even the heavy metal guys at school would rave about how talented a bassist John Taylor was (laugh as you may, bitches - go put on the "Rio" album and shut the fuck up).

4. The La's - Knock Me Down
Good lord, if there was ever a band worth the legend then it's The La's. This song is fucking tough - barely any distortion, harmonies, a staggered beat, and it cuts a bigger swagger than you'd ever dreamed. There are lessons to be learned here.

5. Voice Farm - Seeing is Believing
The first time I saw Voice Farm, it was opening for Depeche Mode on the "Music for the Masses" tour. This song stuck out so much I could sing it the next day. The next time I saw them, my band was opening for them at the Berkeley Square (RIP) with me playing keyboards in a skirt and combat boots...ahhh, them were the days...

6. Magic Carpet - The Magic Carpet
Now THIS is some trippy shit I came across by total accident. An obscure vinyl record that trades for over $1,000 a pop (I have a download of it), it's a synthesis of Indian raga music and folk. This track is a total raga, where the rest is more collaborative. Great for fans of Eastern music.

7. Christopher Recordings - Girls and Menstruation
I stumbled across this 4-recording set also by accident - 50's sex ed albums that teach parents how to tell their kids about sex, including God's plan for us all. Using the fictitious O'Brien family...oh hell, once was enough - I'm skipping this shit.

8. Clan of Xymox - Louise
The goth in me loves this; the synth guy in me loves this; the guitarist in me loves this. I think I love this. Back in the day, we had 18-and-under dance clubs and the more astute DJ's would mix this and "Blue Monday", as the prominent bass drum lines would overlap in the coolest ways. Sisters of Mercy vocals, and that works well for them. The structure is brilliant as is the ending chord sequence. Only bettered by "Evelyn".

9. Pink Floyd - One of These Days
This is the kind of thing Floyd does best - just build and build and build and build and build. One of the few bands that really transcend barriers and carve out their own space, I appreciate it most when they are tapping into their more psychedelic roots (my fave material is, naturally, the Syd Barrett stuff and next few albums, though "Comfortably Numb" is my fave Floyd song).

10. Hope Chest - Three
CRAP - my own band. No fair, but brilliant nonetheless. Gotta do another.

11. Shack - Dragonfly
A Liverpool band that has never gotten their due, this is a rare band in that you can't make a bad choice in picking an album to introduce yourself with. One time band for the comeback of Arthur Lee and Love, the Head brothers produce some of the best pop music around. The heroin never seemed to hurt 'em either (see side project album "The Magical World of The Strands").

All in all not bad - only 2 songs I needed to forward through. That deserves a refill.

Speaking of God...

Very soon, we will have a new contributor to this blog - Reverend Jim will be joining us, giving us stunning insight and untold amounts of knowledge. Indeed, the idea of this blog was launched on many a ride home with him and it will be a sunny day once his ruminations are available for all to see and absorb.

Stay tuned...

That Whole PlameGate Thing

You should really read this because I think it's excellent and essential.

Then go here and, afterwards, impress your friends with the depths of your stunning knowledge of current events.

And we all know that what I say goes.

Go Ahead, If You Dare.

I hereby throw down the gauntlet - The Monkees were a brilliant pop band.

Go ahead. Challenge me. You know I'm right.

Your government inaction (or: The Bush who cried "Wolf!")

Read this and tell me how we're safer under Bush. If Katrina wasn't a wake-up call, you've been hitting the No-Doze a bit too hard...

If there IS a God, how do you explain Pat Robertson?

If there is one thing I don't understand, it is how so-called Christians can keep giving Pat Robertson a platform from which to speak. The man advocates every un-Christian thought possible, but cos he's a grandfatherly "man of the Lord" with a shitload of cash and clout, very few Christians call him on it.

Take, for example, the recent Chavez incident. After calling for his assasination, people rightly called him on the carpet, basically telling him to shut the fuck up. His response? His words were taken out of context, something that is always happening to him. We'll revisit this shortly.

World News Daily, that bastion of freaks, has an article where Pat indicates that all the floods, tsunamis, and such are quite possibly the signs pointing to the return of Christ. It contains all the normal Robertson hallmarks (idiocy, cluelessness, calls for heads) we've come to love. Let's take a peek, shall we?

Robertson, a former GOP presidential candidate and host of the "700 Club" daily Christian TV show, noted, "If you read back in the Bible, the letter of the apostle Paul to the church of Thessalonia, he said that in the latter days before the end of the age that the Earth would be caught up in what he called the birth pangs of a new order. And for anybody who knows what it's like to have a wife going into labor, you know how these labor pains begin to hit. I don't have any special word that says this is that, but it could be suspiciously like that."

In other words, Pat has no fucking clue...but you should listen to him anyway.

"What was called the blessed hope of the Bible is that one day Jesus Christ would come back again, start a whole new era, that this world order that we know would change into something that would be wonderful that we'd call the millennium," he continued. "And before that good time comes there will be some difficult days and there will be likened to what a woman goes through in labor just before she brings forth a child."

Anyone who lives in America under this administration would agree these have been "difficult days". God, to quote Depeche Mode, obviously has a sick sense of humor if this ain't the ones he's talkin' about.

Back to Chavez.

Robertson revisited his concerns about Chavez today, telling CNN, "The truth is, this man is setting up a Marxist-type dictatorship in Venezuela, he's trying to spread Marxism throughout South America, he's negotiating with the Iranians to get nuclear material and he also sent 1.2 million dollars in cash to Osama bin Laden right after 9-11."

Which is nothing like the millions we gave to bin Laden and Hussein, via the Reagan administration, not to mention the dictators that Robertson has invested in.

"I've written him. I apologized and I said I will be praying for him, but one day we will be staring at nuclear weapons and it won't be [Hurricane] Katrina facing New Orleans, it's going to be a Venezuelan nuke," Robertson said.

This, my dear friends, is the classic case of apologising because you have to, not because you're actually sorry. Note the "I said I will be praying for him" bit - doesn't mean he's gonna do it, mind. Pay no attention to the nuclear weapons/Katrina part either, since no one ever called Katrina a nuclear strike in the first place (truly, no one with half a brain ever would) and, honestly, it makes no fucking sense. Oh wait, it's Pat so I guess that's redundant.

I would write more, but my head is about to implode. I must go here and recuperate.