If there IS a God, how do you explain Pat Robertson?

If there is one thing I don't understand, it is how so-called Christians can keep giving Pat Robertson a platform from which to speak. The man advocates every un-Christian thought possible, but cos he's a grandfatherly "man of the Lord" with a shitload of cash and clout, very few Christians call him on it.

Take, for example, the recent Chavez incident. After calling for his assasination, people rightly called him on the carpet, basically telling him to shut the fuck up. His response? His words were taken out of context, something that is always happening to him. We'll revisit this shortly.

World News Daily, that bastion of freaks, has an article where Pat indicates that all the floods, tsunamis, and such are quite possibly the signs pointing to the return of Christ. It contains all the normal Robertson hallmarks (idiocy, cluelessness, calls for heads) we've come to love. Let's take a peek, shall we?

Robertson, a former GOP presidential candidate and host of the "700 Club" daily Christian TV show, noted, "If you read back in the Bible, the letter of the apostle Paul to the church of Thessalonia, he said that in the latter days before the end of the age that the Earth would be caught up in what he called the birth pangs of a new order. And for anybody who knows what it's like to have a wife going into labor, you know how these labor pains begin to hit. I don't have any special word that says this is that, but it could be suspiciously like that."

In other words, Pat has no fucking clue...but you should listen to him anyway.

"What was called the blessed hope of the Bible is that one day Jesus Christ would come back again, start a whole new era, that this world order that we know would change into something that would be wonderful that we'd call the millennium," he continued. "And before that good time comes there will be some difficult days and there will be likened to what a woman goes through in labor just before she brings forth a child."

Anyone who lives in America under this administration would agree these have been "difficult days". God, to quote Depeche Mode, obviously has a sick sense of humor if this ain't the ones he's talkin' about.

Back to Chavez.

Robertson revisited his concerns about Chavez today, telling CNN, "The truth is, this man is setting up a Marxist-type dictatorship in Venezuela, he's trying to spread Marxism throughout South America, he's negotiating with the Iranians to get nuclear material and he also sent 1.2 million dollars in cash to Osama bin Laden right after 9-11."

Which is nothing like the millions we gave to bin Laden and Hussein, via the Reagan administration, not to mention the dictators that Robertson has invested in.

"I've written him. I apologized and I said I will be praying for him, but one day we will be staring at nuclear weapons and it won't be [Hurricane] Katrina facing New Orleans, it's going to be a Venezuelan nuke," Robertson said.

This, my dear friends, is the classic case of apologising because you have to, not because you're actually sorry. Note the "I said I will be praying for him" bit - doesn't mean he's gonna do it, mind. Pay no attention to the nuclear weapons/Katrina part either, since no one ever called Katrina a nuclear strike in the first place (truly, no one with half a brain ever would) and, honestly, it makes no fucking sense. Oh wait, it's Pat so I guess that's redundant.

I would write more, but my head is about to implode. I must go here and recuperate.