Things That Have Me Baffled

* How Brett Favre is pronounced "Far-ve".
* How they get the stripes in toothpaste.
* Why everything in Texas is supposed to be bigger (aside from the asshole part - I got that).
* How Doritos can make ranch "cooler".
* How do they cram all that graham?
* Why alcohol is legal and ganja isn't. **Don't get me wrong, children, I'm an alcoholic. Just wonderin'**
* Why we don't have subsidised health care.
* Why we don't have siestas, while we're at it.
* Why I don't watch any TV besides forensic shows and old movies, yet still pay $50 a month for cable.
* How I always laugh when nervous.