Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Freedom Camp (teh l4m3) Tribute

This is inspired by a recent post of teh l4m3's that hit close to home.

Upon looking at me, you will be struck by two things: 1) how utterly handsome I am, and 2) a strangely undefined ethnicity. I am, for the record, half Mexican and half English; my mother is 1st generation born in this country, and my last name is a town 11 miles or so outside of Oxford. Though I have my anglophile tendencies I identify myself as Mexican - it is how I was raised. I was raised a Mexican kid by his Mexican mom and her family. Due to divorce (and other unsavory details) my dad was hardly ever around and my time with him and his family felt strange and fairly uncomfortable til I was an adult, or at least able to think like one.

Due to the fact that I don't look like Freddie Prinze Sr. or talk like Cheech Marin, many people have assumed I was white. Nothing wrong with that at all, but what IS wrong is how much casula racism has been thrown my way. Mexicans and blacks tend to put race out front, on the table where it can be seen, and not used as some unspoken of spoke in their wheel of thought, dealing with it immediately. Whites will lean in, conspiratorially, and whisper their shock or disgust over what some "nigger" or "fucking wetback" has done or is doing. As civil as they think this may be, the fact that they have to whisper to each other or dare not say anything until they're alone proves they know, deep down, that they are just another fucking racist and don't want anyone to know.

Flash back to the late 90s. I am living and working in Sacramento's downtown/midtown area. I have just started the best job I've ever had, working for the Federal Court (thanks, Mr. Unabomber!!), and have the privilege of knowing everyone I've just started working with, thanks to my previous job as a media liaison. One day, the mail for some odd reason doesn't get picked up, so myself and an employee named Colleen Hutchison (real name - fuck her) decide to walk the mail to the Post Office a few blocks away. Colleen, who has always been nice to me, and I strike up conversation...

Colleen: So - do you like it so far?
Me: Totally!
C: Are you getting along with everyone?
M: Yeah. Everyone's really cool.
C: You work in a good group of people.
M: Yep, I like them all.
C: You're lucky, you've got good people. On our team, Kathy doesn't do anything. And Linda - well, Linda's just a dumb fucking Mexican.

If this were a cartoon, you would have heard screetching coming from my shoes skidding to a stop on the sidewalk. This, however, was no cartoon.

Me: What?
Colleen: You know, Linda...oh SHIT - you're Mexican, aren't you?

I had told her so MONTHS before. And she had forgotten.

Now, I will admit something here and now: if someone makes an ass of themselves, I do EVERYTHING in my power to make the situation as uncomfortable as possible for them. This was one of those times.

Me: *Very sharply* Yes. Yes I am Mexican.
Colleen: Shit. I didn't mean anything by it. My first husband was Mexican.

Yeah, that guy you always say is stupid and good for nothing.

Me: Yeah - some people are into slumming.
Colleen: RAY!!
Me: WhatEVER.

All subsequent attempts at conversation were met with stony silence. Just before entering the building to go back to work...

Collen: You won't say anything, will you?
Me: Nope, never would.
Colleen: Thanks. Thanks a lot. I didn't mean it.
Me: That's okay, everyone hates you anyway.

True story.

The moral: NEVER, EVER, EVER move to Sacramento or its surrounding areas, unless you own a gun rack on your truck.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

FatRobot Tribute

This man loves Kool-Aid.

Kool-Aid is not Canadian - that is why it tastes so good.

Kudzu-covered houses in Georgia.

Abandoned farmhouses in Iceland.

The Rennes-Le-Chateau has been a fascinating mystery for decades.

There are no Canadian mysteries, it is a very pragmatic country.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Monday Morning Music

Dead Can Dance - Into The Labyrinth

This Is Tribute Week

You have been warned...

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Giving Thanks

Since I will be cooking and getting drunk tomorrow, here are people and things I am thankful for, in no particular order -

My beautiful wife: you were dumb enough to say ‘yes’, now you’re stuck with me. And I couldn’t be any happier.

Isabella, Matchstick, and Hazy Monday:
better cats a person just couldn’t have. I don’t know what I’d do without you three.

My new in-laws: thank you SO FUCKING MUCH for not being psychos and loving to party as much as I do. And thank you for your daughter's hand.

My band members: you’ve made singing all these songs about shite relationships very bearable, and I look forward to yet another year of Hope Chest (14 years and running!).

The Ambient Mafia: what a DJ crew. Hedonists, every single one, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even shit gigs are fun. Can’t wait for next summer’s campout party.

Pinko Punko: actually had me write my first blog post ever, so you can all blame him. His enthusiasm is often infectious, and let’s face it – we’d much rather it be his enthusiasm and not, say, herpes.

3Bulls!: a deranged, anarchist Sadly, No! and all the better for it. SO many good people all the time, it’s always the gift that keeps on giving. Crazier parties than 3Bulls! parties have never happened.

teh l4m3: what a great sparring partner. Our little corner of the blogosphere’s gay version of Marian the Librarian. Apparently with the same yellow dress, too. Just when you think he’s all crotch photos, he busts out a post you can’t understand.

Fatrobot: not only are posts chock-full of wonderfully useless information (read: what my head is filled with), I have found many cool people through his blog (indygirl, smartypants, nolff, elmo). Plus he gives you music every day.

AmericaBlog: I check this site, like, 20 times a day. Aravosis is an orchid-lovin’ pimp.

Rude Pundit: what can I say? This fucking guy is the fucking shit.

My great neighbors: surrounded by 'em. Fantastic drinking buddies and they watch our cats - it doesn't get any better.

Irish whiskey and Scotch: blend, blend, go away. Single malt til I die, bitches.

Audrey Hepburn: always makes a sad, blah day okay somehow. Just need a blanket and one of her movies.

60s/70s pop: I’d probably kill myself without it.

Lighters: best invention EVER.

Water pipes: 2nd best invention EVER.

Soyrizo: thank you for making this vegetarian Mexican’s life complete.

Gardening: my other therapy besides music.

Biographies: I devour these like a stoner devours m&m's, especially music ones. Nothing more interesting than true life stories (my own excepted).

I truly hope you have a great Thanksgiving, whoever and wherever you are. Be safe and happy.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I *Heart* Saint Etienne

Seriously, this band has always rocked my world - ever since I first heard "Only Love Can Break Your Heart" way back when and couldn't help but almost shouting "this CAN'T be a Neil Young song! Are you kidding me?! This is BRILLIANT - Neil Young couldn't have written it..."

Promises Of Good Tidings

I've been busy as hell today, but promise tomorrow's post will be ultra-super-duper special. I will give a list of what and who I am thankful for. This will be a rare snipe-free post so be sure to tune in tomorrow!

Monday, November 21, 2005

The Only Reason Christians Feel "Persecuted" because they let utter fucking twats like this speak for them, and then when the obvious backlash (well, obvious to anyone who doesn't have a family tree that goes straight up, with no branches) occurs, it becomes a question of persecution.

There are good Christians, so I'm told, that know this kind of shit is against what they are supposed to believe and uphold. I would love to meet one.

"If I close my eyes and use my imagination, I can see my jawline."

Monday's Musical Maladies

Cos I got a LOT of shit to do today...

Killing Joke rules.

Moose - they INVENTED shoegaze.

Leftfield + Johnny Rotten = Techno Goodness

The Jam - what the fuck do I need to say?

Friday, November 18, 2005

Imagine All The Beatles Living Life In Peace

This should be incredibly interesting. Lennon was notoriously full of bile and this, coming right after the split, should be utterly fascinating. I'd feel sorry for ol' Paul if he weren't rich as fucking Cresus and was doing Pizza Hut commercials.

I've always been a big Beatles fan but George was always my favorite, especially after seeing "A Hard Day's Night" where he utters one of the funniest lines ever: "She's a drag, a well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things."

"The only thing you've done was 'Yesterday', and since you've gone it's just another day."

Post-Punk is SOOOOOOOO 2004

Post-Plague is the new black. Oh, you hadn't heard? Shame. Really.

UPDATE: Somehow, drunk at 2a, this made sense...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Friday 5: 70s Edition

Keeping with last week's theme (and it may be a permanent one), I'm only doing 5 this week, but you get to keep them all. Really now - who could possibly love you more? That's right - no one.

Last week was various favorite songs from the 60s so this week is the 70s, the decade which, for better or worse, spawned me. Without any further ado...

1. Brothers Johnson - Strawberry Letter 23

2. Northern Lights - Bobbie's Blues

3. Pink Floyd - A Pillow of Winds

4. Roxy Music - Prairie Rose

5. Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine (Extended)

Chew 20 times on each side and drink plenty of water.

Jesus Christ On A Popsicle Stick...

$20,000 for a bottle of BLENDED whiskey?! Only an idiot (and a rich one, at that) would fork out that kind of cash for a blend. Give me Jameson's or Glenfiddich any day.


So the AP does a story on Rep. John Murtha with the title "Hawkish Democrat Calls For Iraq Pullout" (VERY subtle).

It's your average AP read, but this was too good to ignore. Here's Murtha's response to Cheney's recent attack on Dems' contention of manipulated Iraq intelligence:

Murtha, a Marine intelligence officer in Vietnam, angrily shot back at Cheney: "I like guys who've never been there that criticize us who've been there. I like that. I like guys who got five deferments and never been there and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done."


Thanksgiving Cometh

So apparently (well, according to the "Seasonal" aisle at Long's Drugs, anyway) Thanksgiving is upon us. You may not be aware of this fact since everyone and their fucking mother has Christmas shit for sale, but the Court Holiday calendar does not lie (this is true - State and Federal workers live for holidays, cos the rest of the year they are slaves to an unquestionably horrid group called "the public").

This year we will, for the first time, be entertaining. Not a huge soiree, just my Old Lady's folks and my drummer and bassist (who are married). Truthfully, while I loathe the holidays, I look forward to any reason to cook, and the company will be fantastic, so it really should be fun.

And yes, haters - we will be having Tofurkey.

So what are YOU doing for Thanksgiving? Hmmmm?

UPDATE: The Old Lady wants it made clear that she is a solid 6 years younger than me and prefers "Wifey". Whatever - love, honor and obey, woman!

The U-Files (As In "Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww!")

Looking like a glam-rock Liberace is never a good thing. I don't care what you say.

And neither is getting run out of 2 countries, goin' on 3, for shagging children.

There are all kinds of freaks out there, the Lord Almighty Johnny Marr knows (the principal from "Ferris Bueller" anyone?), but this guy has some SERIOUS fucking problems, no pun intended. Also, since he got caught with the kiddie porn in England I really trip the fuck out every time they play his "Rock and Roll, Part 2" at a sporting event. Someone should REALLY go tell ESPN that the dude who does that song has a worse track record than Michael Jackson.

What Kind Of Sick World Is This?

Oh the humanity...

Are we living in a world of such hate, such unchecked anti-vegetal passion, that this is what will come to be the expected end result? Woe unto such filth that stalks the radish as such.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

New Morrissey Album Out In March, Single In February

The final tracklisting of "Ringleader Of The Tormentors" is:

1. "I Will See You In Far-off Places"
2. "Dear God Please Help Me"
3. "You Have Killed Me"
4. "The Youngest Was The Most Loved"
5. "In The Future When All's Well"
6. "The Father Who Must Be Killed"
7. "Life Is A Pigsty"
8. "I'll Never Be Anybody's Hero Now"
9. "On The Streets I Ran"
10. "To Me You Are A Work Of Art"
11. "I Just Want To See The Boy Happy"
12. "At Last I Am Born"

Fuck yeah.

Dr. Benjamin Spock Parenting Award Nominee

Oh man - THIS is some classic shit.

Things That Have Me Baffled

* How Brett Favre is pronounced "Far-ve".
* How they get the stripes in toothpaste.
* Why everything in Texas is supposed to be bigger (aside from the asshole part - I got that).
* How Doritos can make ranch "cooler".
* How do they cram all that graham?
* Why alcohol is legal and ganja isn't. **Don't get me wrong, children, I'm an alcoholic. Just wonderin'**
* Why we don't have subsidised health care.
* Why we don't have siestas, while we're at it.
* Why I don't watch any TV besides forensic shows and old movies, yet still pay $50 a month for cable.
* How I always laugh when nervous.


I am now Prop 215-legal. 3 years of chronic pain and nausea, not to mention psychosis, can now be legally medicated.

And people say voting doesn't accomplish anything...

Threat To America: P. Diddy

...and he MUST be stopped at any cost. After all, his side...erm, lost the election. Okay, yes, I'm confused too.

One From My Band

Here's a track from our first album "Constellation Prize". It's definitely my state of mind today as I go for an extra special doctor's referral today:

Hope Chest - Hopeful

Wish me luck.

BTW: Why is blogger eating half of all my posts?! Bastards.

Friday, November 11, 2005

teh l4m3 - I Have Found Your Perfect Match

Ready and waiting for your lovin'.

Friday 5 - 60s Edition ****FUCK BLOGGER****

The usual Friday 10 is a Friday 5 this week. I know I missed last week taking Hazy Monday to the vet (which some of you twats were more than happy to point out). Well, though there is less content than usual, you can download all of these songs. My gift to you all - a handful of my all-time favorite songs from the 60s. So without any further ado:

1. Red Lady - Phil Cordell
2. The Monkees - Someday Man
3. The Millenium - To Claudia on Thursday
4. Harpers Bizarre - Wichi Tai To
5. Glen Campbell - Guess I'm Dumb


Mr. Snickerdoodle Harvests For The Weekend

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What Would Jesus Do?

Jesus would drain a bottle of Jameson's, then take the empty and smack the living shit out of Pat Robertson and say "Please, shut the fuckety fick fuck up."

He would, you know.

"I am constipated with hate."

Thursday's Indie Crush

Sarah from Dubstar.

Mr. Snickerdoodle Stops To Smell The Flowers

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Pennsylvania Says "Fuck Kansas!"

Intelligent Design my ass. Ketchup in squirt bottles is intelligent design, not that crap they're spewing.

Mr. Snickerdoodle Enjoys A Smoke & A Balloon

Gay Militia Groups

I wonder if there are any...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Matchstick Says Hello

Today Is Picture Day casy you hadn't noticed. Here is the winning pumpkin in our carving contest last weekend. The winner was Colin Adams, a fantastic artist and all-around good guy. Check his fantastic artwork out here.

Meeting the Almighty

Pop Renaissance meets the one and only Johnny Fucking Marr.

Mr. Snickerdoodle Takes a Pause for the Cause

Monday, November 07, 2005

Hazy Heals Hassle-Free

Our newly nutless boy Hazy is making a speedy recovery. He was in a SERIOUS k-hole on Friday, and was obviously sore on Saturday, but was running around assasinating toilet paper rolls like usual on Sunday morning. What a trooper.

Meet Mr. Snickerdoodle.

You will be treated to a rare glimpse of Mr. Snickerdoodle's life this week. He is one mellow fellow.

Friday, November 04, 2005

No Friday 10 Today

The Management regrets to announce that today's regularly scheduled Friday 10 is cancelled. Refunds at place of purchase - no phone calls, please.

Our dear little boy Hazy Monday (pics here and here) is making his first trip to the vet today. His little fuzzy orbs of manhood will cease to be a part of his existence...or you could just say he's gettin' his nuts chopped off. But hey - it's better to have dropped & chopped than to never have dropped at all.

Hopefully, he will not hold this against us. I know I'd get a bit peevish if I lost my testes - they're old friends at this point.

I cannot promise this will be the last post about testicles on this blog, thereby ensuring teh l4m3 will be stopping by for many moons to come...

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Vegetarian Chicken & Dumplings Soup

For the one and only indygirl, since she asked ever so nicely.



3-30 oz. cartons of vegetable broth
2 cups of water
1 large potato
1 or 2 large carrot(s)
1 medium onion (yellow or white, your preference)
6 oz. of mushrooms
2-12 oz. packs of veggie chicken
1 vegetarian boullion cube
pinch of tarragon
1 tbsp. of oregano
2 tbsp. of parsley
salt and pepper to taste


2 cups bisquick
2/3 cup of milk
1 to 2 tbsp. of parsley


Combine vegetable broth, water, boullion cube, and spices (minus salt and pepper) in pot and set on high to boil. Chop up carrots, mushrooms and potato, and dice onion and add to boiling broth. Don't make the carrot or potato pieces too small or they will dissolve into the soup! Reduce heat to a low boil and cover; leave alone for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, add veggie chicken. **Veggie chicken is pre-cooked and doesn't need a lot of cooking time**

After adding chicken, mix dumpling ingredients in bowl and spoon-drop into boiling soup (NOTE: the dumplings won't be pretty and perfectly round, but if you try shaping this dough you will have some seriously doughy problems). Cover and let cook for 10 minutes, then remove cover and cook an additional 5-10 minutes.

Then eat!

Thursday's Indie Crush

Donna from Elastica. Good lord, I've been smitten for YEARS.

Can I Quit Now? Can I Go Home?

Jesus, Brownie. We knew you were worthless, but we had NO FUCKING IDEA that you were SUCH a little whining BITCH.

I'm Older, Therefore Smarter

teh l4m3 has recently begun taking me to task about the fact that I was born at the perfect time, and his sorry ass missed all the good shit.

This will be tolerated no longer.

Consider this the warning shot across yer bow, matey. The war has begun.